Trials in Faith

I had a bad feeling all week, but kept pushing it off to being an over reactive mom.  We were scheduled for our 12 week ultrasound Friday afternoon.  They started the exam, but the baby was only measuring at 10 weeks 3 days.  I was not processing what that meant, but I knew something was wrong.  The technician was about to leave and talk to the doctor when I asked to listen to the heart beat.

"There's no heartbeat Lindsay."  It was heartbreaking and I was caught so off guard.  I did not have any symptoms and we saw the heart beating at 8 weeks.  I personally know many women who have miscarried multiple times, some much later in their pregnancy and some that have even come close to loosing their own life during the miscarriage. I can't truly know what those woman felt, but I know the incredible sadness and pain I felt. 

There's great sadness and many, questions.  Why, was it something I did, at what point does the spirit enter the body, will that baby be part of our family forever or have a chance to come to earth again to get a body? 

I don't think I'll get an answer to most of these questions in this life, but it's made me grateful for so many things.  I've got an amazing support system from my friends and family.  I have a loving and supportive husband.  I have an amazing and healthy little girl that loves her mama.  I have access to great medical care and insurance to help pay for it.  I have faith and hope that we will be able to have more kids when the time is right.

I'm feeling better with each day and it will be good to get back into our normal routine on Wednesday.  For now, we will keep growing together as a family and continue to know our Heaven Father is aware of us and has plan in place for our family. 

Brain Dump

No one told me just how sick we all would be forever the first toddler winter.  It was quite a rough patch there for us, but I’m happy to say we have been daycare induced illness free for a few weeks.  There was a point there when I had been to the doctor with MA 3 times in one week.  Double ear infection, 104 temp, and then a crazy rash to the ear infection meds.  She’s fine, and we are all still sleep deprived so life continues on. 

I’ve started a new position at work and really like it.  It’s refreshing to have new problems to work through and new people to do it with.  I greatly miss many of the people on my old team, but mentally I needed something new.  This is the first time I’ve completely changed jobs within the same company.  I’ve moved to similar position, but this is totally different.  It’s weird to feel completely lost and like the new person, but at the same time not and know how to do quite a few things. 

My chubby self is jumping for job.  Café Rio is opening by my house April 16^th.  I’m gonna get so fat on pork salads.  I can’t wait.  As long as they don’t put a Dairy Queen next to it, I just might live to see another year.

Did I tell you our basement’s flooding…again…after we spent a ridiculous amount of money “fixing it” last year.  Looks like we get to spend more ridiculous amounts of money putting in a French drain.  I’m so sick of it.  I literally never go downstairs expect to do laundry.  It drives me nuts because that means MA has to play upstairs and there’s just no good way to let her play with her toys and keep them confined somehow in the living room so my house is a mess.  I do okay with it most days, but about once every 2 weeks I go crazy and clean like a mad woman and curse at the flooding basement. 

I’ve been so tiredly lately.  I don’t think this grey Seattle weather is helping, but I feel like I go from my bed to work and back to bed.  Hence, mama’s chubby…I wonder if Café Rio delivers?

I’m worried something is seriously wrong with me.  I’ve lost my will to craft.  Usually I have 5 projects running through my head at all times of things I want to do, but won’t have time to do for a few years, but lately I’ve lost my will to craft.  I hope this too passes.  There a Holidays coming and the house needs to be holiday crafty.  Maybe I’ll just throw some grass seed in the basement and let it grow and call that my Easter craft.

On the up side, P only has 1 more quarter of school and then can hopefully get a full time job.  The plan is to start working and finish his degree a night.  It’s been a long road, but there’s only 3 more month’s until the next phase of his schooling begins.  I’m honestly not sure who’s more excited. 

Ikea Fail

The hand dryers in the bathrooms at Ikea as super loud and extremely scary to toddlers.  Whomever decided to put the diaper changing table in between the two hand dryers clearly does not have kids.  Nothing like creaming kids kicking their poopy diaper off the changing table onto the floor while the others in the bathroom watch and judge you. 

PTO

Today I took a mental health day from work because I was about to go mental on everyone at work.  I guiltily dropped Mary Ann off at daycare and spent the day spending a long as I wanted in various stores, cleaning the entire hours, cleaning and organizing my craft room and even finishing a craft project.  It was a much needed day.

While I was driving home from the craft store I saw this cute mom jogging through our neighborhood pushing her toddler in the stroller and dragging the family dog behind her.  More then anything I wanted to be her, but I'm sure there are days where she wishes she was me.  I have to remember the grass is not greener on the other side.  It's green on the side you nurture and take care of. 

New Car

We knew we had to get a new car sooner then later, but were hoping to hold out until P has a job in a few months.  The transmission died in my car so the time came now.  We decided on a used Mazda CX-9, but the inventory for this car is very slim. 

Fast forward a few days to me flying to San Francisco, taking the Bart to the dealership and 4 hours later we were the owners of a 2011 Mazda CX-9.  Thanks to my father in law for his help!  The man knows how to find and get a good deal on a car. 

Sunday I made the 12 hour drive by myself and loved it.  An entire day to myself with just my thoughts and music to keep me occupied.  I'm sure this car will see many more family trips.  So glad to have a car that works and fits the family.

Bad Parent Moment #236

I was so tired and was playing with MA on my bed while P was on the phone. She kept sliding off the end of the bed and coming to me to let her back up. It was keeping her entertained for her last 5 minutes before bed. 

And then she slid off sideways and I heard the scream. She was bleeding from her mouth and nose. I freaked out because there was so much blood. She quickly got a fat lip and stopped crying after a few minutes as we were heading out the door. 

We took her to the children's walk in clinic while I started crying since I should have been watching her closer.  They checked her out and said she would be fine, but to check on her every 2 hours to make sure there was no head trama. 

Here's to hoping for an early and event less night tonight. 

2014

My goal is to start blogging again. Not for your entertainment but for my historical value. I have a very poor longterm memory and I like remembering all the daily things so I'm giving this a try again.

Quick life update, MA is almost a year and a half and is awesome. She's so happy, loves shoes, is obsessed with necklaces, won't go anywhere without puppy/bunny/and her blanket and she's starting to say a few words. I love her so much and it's not getting any easier to leave her in the morning as I go to work. 

P has 2 more quarers of school and then hopefully gets hired on at Boeing and starts working and they will pay for him to finish his degree. 

I'm still with amazon. I survived being the holiday captain for my team and let's say I'll do everything I can to not have that happen again. 

I should really make loosing weight a New Years goal because I'm yet to really loose the weight from Mary Ann but here's my honest thought process. Why lose weight? I will most likely get pregnant again this year so why bother? No, being more healthy will make for a batter pregnancy and I do want to start running again. When do you have time to run and they are opening a cafe rio up the street in March. Screw it. I'm me for now.  Instead I made crafting goals because that's what really matter in life. Holde me to these. 

1. Really figure out how the crap to use the cricut cutter and either use it or sell it

2. Sew Mary Ann a dress/skirt 

3. Make a dozen Christmas ornaments 

4. Work on my giant crewel floral project twice a month

5. Clean/organize the craft room by the end of January - this includes organizing all holiday decor (labeled and in boxes) (does this justify buying a label maker it?....please say yes!!!) 

6. Finish one craft project per month (I've started a V-Day project today) 

7. Gift one craft project a month to someone

8. Post 4 new craft projects on etsy to sell by the end of February 

9. Get better lighting in the craft room

10. Learn how to knit

There you have it. Let's hope I can keep this up. 

Xo - Mother Buchan